Olá, Bom Dia
On being polite....
I asked my Portuguese language teacher why a clerk was not assigned to receive deposits at the bank when the primary deposit clerk takes a break. She didn’t really answer my question….but she did spend 15 minutes talking about something that is very interesting.
Permit me to Digress
Permit me to start with a story from about 4 years ago. At that time, Denise and I were living in Rancho Mirage in a beautiful mid-century modern home. The realtor that had found us this house and had held our hands through buying it from Florida, was a wealth of information on the local area. She emailed me a list called “Steph’s Peeps” that included gardeners, electricians, pool companies, etc. She did a very professional job. About one year later she actually moved down the street from us. We didn’t hang out…she was 25 years younger than us…but we had a cordial, neighborly relationship.
Now here is the embarrassing part. One day someone asked me if I could recommend an electrician. I couldn’t find the phone number of the one we had used (Steph’s Peeps) and dashed off a quick text to Stephanie.:
What was the name & phone number of the electrician you recommended?
In response, I got the requested information and then something along the lines of:
I have provided you the information you rudely requested. In the future a nice, “hi” or “good afternoon” or “How have you been?” would be appreciated. If you don’t take the time to do so, I will not take the time to respond.
I must admit I felt gutted. I felt like a scolded child.
Living in Portugal
I am reminded of this episode often while living in Portugal. When I receive an email from one of the tradespeople or vendors assisting us with our renovation, it begins:
Snra Nancy, Bom dia, Espero que estejas bem (Miss Nancy, Good morning, I hope you are well)
And always ends cordially:
Obrigado, bom fim de semana. Melhores cumprimentos, (Thank you, have a nice weekend, Best regards)
Even texts always begin with a “Snra Nancy, Bom dia”!
Is it that the Portuguese are super polite or is it that I am a rude American?
I realize not all Americans are rude. But generally, we operate at a different speed than many other cultures. I recall during my working days when I managed teams of salespeople across the United States, I would receive a hundred or more emails a day.1 There were days I would receive 80-100 voicemails. I didn’t have (or take) time to respond “Good morning” or close with “Best regards”…I responded to the item at hand, solved another problem2, hit send, and then hit delete.3
Snra. Manuela
This brings me to our Portuguese language teacher, Snra. Manuela. When I asked about the deposit clerk at the bank, she did not respond to my inquiry. Instead, she spent 15 minutes talking about the fact that a bank clerk had not said “Bom dia” to her that morning before asking why she was there. You would have thought the clerk had stolen national intelligence documents, squirreled them away in her bathroom, and refused to return them when asked…politely.
Oddly enough, later in the class, we were listening to a (Portuguese) dialogue of an exchange between a customer and a CTT (post office) clerk. When the appropriate “Bom dias” and other niceties were exchanged she stopped the recording. She explained this was the right way to interact and again recalled the “rude” behavior of the bank clerk earlier that morning.
Have I Changed?
You might wonder. if after 2.5 years, has Portugal changed me…yes and no. When interacting with anyone in Portugal face to face, I always open with “Olá, bom dia” … if nothing else it gives them a heads up that I am not a native speaker. But I often begin typing an email or text without thinking. In typical Whiteman fashion, I get right to the point. But most of the time…80% of the time or more, before sending I go back and read it again. I add the Bom Dia and the Snr. Whoever.
And I am still working on the remaining 20%….
Whiteman’s rule: if the email is addressed to nearly everyone in the company (or division) delete it without reading…don’t spend the time reading…you will hear about it in the halls.
Of course, it often felt this way…though often was not the case.
Remember I had a rule, all emails and voicemails were responded to within 24 hours of receipt. I was one of those people whose desk, email box, and voicemail box were clear before leaving the office at night.
Bom dia. I recall one of my first excursions into the neighborhood Pingo Doce. I don't think I was yet aware of the 'Ola, bom dia' component of the check-out interaction. The security guard next to the register where I was paying made a grumbling comment in English, as if to the wind, but the fact that he did so in English meant it was directed at me. These days I am usually good with the opening salutation, but I find that I get flustered trying to use my broken Portuguese and often forget to add 'por favor' at the appropriate point in the request, often rushing to add it, after the fact. Still learning that I am retired and in no hurry. There is time to say good morning, please, and thank you. Tchau.
In Zimbabwe, while waiting in queue at the bank for hours at a time to do things as simple as depositing a cheque, I took to reading long Russian novels. It helped keep my mind off murder, it helped me to check off the thick ones on my Hundred Books Everyone Must Read Before They Die list, and it seemed so appropriate in a country that called itself Modern Socialist Zimbabwe.