Bom dia. I recall one of my first excursions into the neighborhood Pingo Doce. I don't think I was yet aware of the 'Ola, bom dia' component of the check-out interaction. The security guard next to the register where I was paying made a grumbling comment in English, as if to the wind, but the fact that he did so in English meant it was directed at me. These days I am usually good with the opening salutation, but I find that I get flustered trying to use my broken Portuguese and often forget to add 'por favor' at the appropriate point in the request, often rushing to add it, after the fact. Still learning that I am retired and in no hurry. There is time to say good morning, please, and thank you. Tchau.
In Zimbabwe, while waiting in queue at the bank for hours at a time to do things as simple as depositing a cheque, I took to reading long Russian novels. It helped keep my mind off murder, it helped me to check off the thick ones on my Hundred Books Everyone Must Read Before They Die list, and it seemed so appropriate in a country that called itself Modern Socialist Zimbabwe.
Nice post Nancy. I have always tried to be terse in emails. I always thought I was doing the receiver a favor by getting to the point without a lot of fluff. Here not so much. I love your footnotes - just one more thing we have in common.
Thanks for the reminder to slow down and be polite. Somehow I am not surprised about your clean inbox, but I have never been afflicted with that obsession. (I have others.)
One of the first restaurants we went to was quite busy as we entered, a long line of customers shuffling past the bar, everyone greeting the bartender as they flowed into the dining room. I smiled and quietly muttered "boa noite" to the bartender as we inched along, he replied in kind.
As we were attempting to order our meal (my husband defty utilizing our most-used phrase, "desculpe, eu falo um pouco de português"), the bartender came by and started speaking to me. After seeing my panic, he paused. He took a good long look at us both and then introduced himself in beautifully articulated English. As the blatant relief washed over us, he turned to me and said, "you had me fooled, I thought you were a local because you said 'boa noite' to me as you came in."
Everytime I enter a store, a vehicle, or, really, any other sort of place , I say good ____ to whomever is nearest the door. It doesn't help me to escape the expectation that I can speak their language, but it goes a long way when I'm asking for their patience as I stumble through it later on.
We once greeted some golfers Boa Dia, and they started rattling off Portuguese. Our startled look clued them in that we were not native speakers. They complimented us by telling us that our pronunciation was so good that we had "misled" them. A good problem to have....
Nancy: I've been journaling and wrote the following this very morning:
From the time my brother and I were very young, our mother drilled into our heads the two magic phrases: Please and Thank You. I did the same things with my sons. Here those phrases are “Por Favor” and “Obrigado(a)” and the rule still holds. Say Please and Thank You and you can be forgiven some very bad Portuguese in between. Better yet, start every interaction with Bom Dia (Good Morning), Boa Tarde (Good Afternoon) or Boa Noite (Good Evening) and follow up with Tudo bem hoje? (How are you today?) for brownie points. The cool part is the response to tudo bem is tudo bem, which in this case means I’m fine. And should someone thank you, the correct response is de nada, which roughly translates into you’re welcome. Even if you have a valid complaint, like we did with the prepaid, but still unassembled grill, I coached Steven to be polite as he was informing the poor customer service rep at Leroy Mervin that without swifter action we would be submitting a complaint to the dreaded “Livros de Reclamacoes” (Complaint Book) which the Portuguese take very seriously. Since arriving here, I’m also careful to say “desculpe” (sorry) whenever I make a blunder, and “com licencia” (excuse me) even if I’m the one being bumped into… it’s their country and they are being very gracious to share it with us.
Bom dia Sra Nancy, first of all, thank you for your posts – each awaited eagerly and read before other emails (for which I share your feelings). My wife and I moved permanently in November '23 and now live near Carvoeiro. We consider ourselves blessed to be here and our original frustration with the viscosity of the bureaucracy here has now mellowed (mostly) to amusement. One of the things that we love is the politeness of the people here and the way in which they respond so positively to overtures of friendliness.
Recently I filled up the car at the petrol station – having gestured to the attendant to release the limit as I wanted to fill the tank. I went in to pay and helpfully told the lady that I was at 'bomba quatro'. She immediately told me the price in English. I feigned surprise and asked her if I looked English. She laughed and smiled broadly and said "Yes!"
There are many such instances, notwithstanding the occasional grump, and I resolve that one day I will catch one of them out and I dream of that small victory.
I think is not a particular portuguese politeness, more likely a general code of entering a dialogue especially if you don't have a daily/close relationship with the other person. I have not observed this fast response with my clients from US . Usually, their main line is " Hello, hope you are well/ or hope you had a nice weekend...or hope etc".
Having been in Pt now for 3 months, I have now started doing this same thing with my emails/text in the States. I always start off with “Hey there Nancy- hope you and the fam are well...
ok. Talk soon. Shirlé “
It’s made me stop to take a sec to be pleasant. Instead of the typical US “let’s get to business.” And I think it makes folks feel good.
I too, like Scott, get flustered and forget “or favor” but am getting better.
This is such a helpful reminder. I am curious what happened after this interaction. I assume that you sent Steph an apology. If so, I would love to know how she responded. While your request may have seemed rude to her, I find that her initial response to you was also rude. It seems to me that she could have pointed out to you that a greeting was missing and that she considered it impolite, without threatening to not respond to similar future requests.
Bom dia. I recall one of my first excursions into the neighborhood Pingo Doce. I don't think I was yet aware of the 'Ola, bom dia' component of the check-out interaction. The security guard next to the register where I was paying made a grumbling comment in English, as if to the wind, but the fact that he did so in English meant it was directed at me. These days I am usually good with the opening salutation, but I find that I get flustered trying to use my broken Portuguese and often forget to add 'por favor' at the appropriate point in the request, often rushing to add it, after the fact. Still learning that I am retired and in no hurry. There is time to say good morning, please, and thank you. Tchau.
Ola, bom dia Sr. Scott,
You exactly put your finger on what is going on for me as well.
I hope you have a lovely week,
Amy
In Zimbabwe, while waiting in queue at the bank for hours at a time to do things as simple as depositing a cheque, I took to reading long Russian novels. It helped keep my mind off murder, it helped me to check off the thick ones on my Hundred Books Everyone Must Read Before They Die list, and it seemed so appropriate in a country that called itself Modern Socialist Zimbabwe.
Nice post Nancy. I have always tried to be terse in emails. I always thought I was doing the receiver a favor by getting to the point without a lot of fluff. Here not so much. I love your footnotes - just one more thing we have in common.
Snra Nancy, Bom dia, Espero que estejas bem.
Thanks for the reminder to slow down and be polite. Somehow I am not surprised about your clean inbox, but I have never been afflicted with that obsession. (I have others.)
Melhores cumprimentos.
Yet another reason why I literally cannot get to Portugal soon enough.
One of the first restaurants we went to was quite busy as we entered, a long line of customers shuffling past the bar, everyone greeting the bartender as they flowed into the dining room. I smiled and quietly muttered "boa noite" to the bartender as we inched along, he replied in kind.
As we were attempting to order our meal (my husband defty utilizing our most-used phrase, "desculpe, eu falo um pouco de português"), the bartender came by and started speaking to me. After seeing my panic, he paused. He took a good long look at us both and then introduced himself in beautifully articulated English. As the blatant relief washed over us, he turned to me and said, "you had me fooled, I thought you were a local because you said 'boa noite' to me as you came in."
Everytime I enter a store, a vehicle, or, really, any other sort of place , I say good ____ to whomever is nearest the door. It doesn't help me to escape the expectation that I can speak their language, but it goes a long way when I'm asking for their patience as I stumble through it later on.
We once greeted some golfers Boa Dia, and they started rattling off Portuguese. Our startled look clued them in that we were not native speakers. They complimented us by telling us that our pronunciation was so good that we had "misled" them. A good problem to have....
Nancy: I've been journaling and wrote the following this very morning:
From the time my brother and I were very young, our mother drilled into our heads the two magic phrases: Please and Thank You. I did the same things with my sons. Here those phrases are “Por Favor” and “Obrigado(a)” and the rule still holds. Say Please and Thank You and you can be forgiven some very bad Portuguese in between. Better yet, start every interaction with Bom Dia (Good Morning), Boa Tarde (Good Afternoon) or Boa Noite (Good Evening) and follow up with Tudo bem hoje? (How are you today?) for brownie points. The cool part is the response to tudo bem is tudo bem, which in this case means I’m fine. And should someone thank you, the correct response is de nada, which roughly translates into you’re welcome. Even if you have a valid complaint, like we did with the prepaid, but still unassembled grill, I coached Steven to be polite as he was informing the poor customer service rep at Leroy Mervin that without swifter action we would be submitting a complaint to the dreaded “Livros de Reclamacoes” (Complaint Book) which the Portuguese take very seriously. Since arriving here, I’m also careful to say “desculpe” (sorry) whenever I make a blunder, and “com licencia” (excuse me) even if I’m the one being bumped into… it’s their country and they are being very gracious to share it with us.
Bom dia Sra Nancy, first of all, thank you for your posts – each awaited eagerly and read before other emails (for which I share your feelings). My wife and I moved permanently in November '23 and now live near Carvoeiro. We consider ourselves blessed to be here and our original frustration with the viscosity of the bureaucracy here has now mellowed (mostly) to amusement. One of the things that we love is the politeness of the people here and the way in which they respond so positively to overtures of friendliness.
Recently I filled up the car at the petrol station – having gestured to the attendant to release the limit as I wanted to fill the tank. I went in to pay and helpfully told the lady that I was at 'bomba quatro'. She immediately told me the price in English. I feigned surprise and asked her if I looked English. She laughed and smiled broadly and said "Yes!"
There are many such instances, notwithstanding the occasional grump, and I resolve that one day I will catch one of them out and I dream of that small victory.
Ola, bom dia e obrigada for the advice and perspective.
I think is not a particular portuguese politeness, more likely a general code of entering a dialogue especially if you don't have a daily/close relationship with the other person. I have not observed this fast response with my clients from US . Usually, their main line is " Hello, hope you are well/ or hope you had a nice weekend...or hope etc".
Like the post. Kind of funny because your intention was not to be rude.
Obrigada!
Sra Nancy, bom dia, espero que estejas bem. Just wanted to thank you for your excellent blog and this posting in particular. Very important !
Having been in Pt now for 3 months, I have now started doing this same thing with my emails/text in the States. I always start off with “Hey there Nancy- hope you and the fam are well...
ok. Talk soon. Shirlé “
It’s made me stop to take a sec to be pleasant. Instead of the typical US “let’s get to business.” And I think it makes folks feel good.
I too, like Scott, get flustered and forget “or favor” but am getting better.
It’s all just practice at this point.
I operate this way daily...life’s too short to be a 🍆
Thank you, Nancy!
This is such a helpful reminder. I am curious what happened after this interaction. I assume that you sent Steph an apology. If so, I would love to know how she responded. While your request may have seemed rude to her, I find that her initial response to you was also rude. It seems to me that she could have pointed out to you that a greeting was missing and that she considered it impolite, without threatening to not respond to similar future requests.
Best,
Christine