I've moved over 40 times in my life (attended 13 schools before graduating from high school) and had to smile when I found my old Christmas card address book from the 1990's. I don't even remember who most of those people were. Life for me is an ocean that flows towards new shores, and when I glance back from the last harbor, a lighthouse beacon of friendship shines from one or two points, but most of the house lights grow dim the further I travel. When I start to feel a bit guilty about not maintaining past relationships, I ask if that person is also working on it- most of the time it's a no. True friends are few and that is OK. And when we re-connect, there are no recriminations about lapse of time, we just pick up where we left off. We write a blog to keep our grandchildren, family, and friends posted about our travels, so they can connect if they want. But no guilt if they do not. Thank you for sharing your journey with me.
When my husband and I sold everything and moved aboard a sailboat for 2 years, then moved back to the same city, I realized the truth to this saying " put your finger in a glass of water, then remove it. Does it leave a hole?". Basically, that's the impact of someone leaving the community. They fill the void. nature doesn't like a void. My sister moved to Africa for a period, then returned to her house and friends, and was so surprised that nobody wanted to hear her stories or look at her photos. Nobody really cared that she'd left, no-one seemed to have the time to hear about the adventure, and some people didn't even know she'd been gone. this life moves too quickly now I think.
My husband struggled with the connection drop off when he moved from Michigan to California. A certain number of friends gradually disappeared over time when I went from SF to LA and back again. I think it's really normal, life does get in the way. I also think that the American culture blurs the line between acquaintance and friend. As you noted, the Portuguese are polite but reserved, and part of that is related to language and ease of communication. But another part is related to we Americans, who have a rep for being friendly (sometimes this is presented as overly so). I think sometimes big moves highlight who the acquaintances in one's life were versus true friendship. And sometimes even true friendships only flourish under a certain set of circumstances, and once those circumstances shift far enough from what fed it originally, the friendship peters out. In neither case does this mean that they didn't care about us and vice versa, nor does it mean that we wouldn't be close again if circumstances/geography were to change.
Nancy...as always, enjoyed this article. I have lived in 9 different states. At one time my Christmas card list was over 150 people. That was the way I stayed in contact at least once a year with friends I had made with every move. But, the truth is, once I made a move and was able to "let go" at that end and was able to connect at the new location, my need to stay in touch and maintain "old" relationships seemed to dwindle. I believe it is only natural that we "move on" when we re-locate. And as someone else mentioned, everyone else's life goes on without me so strong relationships dwindle as well. In my opinion (and experience) it is just a natural progression.
Firstly, I agree 100% you should hire a lawyer to represent you in a home purchase. Another key to doing so is to make sure it is not a referral from your realtor so you have 100% transparency. They do things differently in Portugal. Set the ground rules as to what you expect from them and know that time lines don’t mean much when doing inspections in the country.
Secondly, I have moved around ever since I was a child. My relationships are different as it is difficult to keep in contact with older friends once you locate to a new town let alone a new country. “Life simply gets in the way!” Your sense of what is important is the new relationships you now have and will continue to have with those that you are meeting. You have both been very busy traveling, exploring and getting settled. We met so many wonderful people in Portugal during our 6 week trip. I often ask myself how many people would I have met had we stayed in one place instead of moving around. You will eventually meet those Portuguese who will become friends, but it won’t happen until you have a daily routine in VRSA.
Thirdly, splitting time between 2 homes has its problems. I devote most of my time to those I call friends while living in Florida and not so much back in Colorado and vice versa. It’s hard maintaining for me anyway friends in 12 different cities. We gravitate to people of similar interests and need that bond. We get that from other immigrants who speak our language.
I have relocated many times as an adult and my experience has been that if you are the one who moves, you are the one who mainly needs to initiate contact because you are no longer there. People often say they will visit you once you relocate and some do but most don't find the time.
1 year in and I've experienced the same dropoff. What I've come to realize is that much of it has to do with the mode of contact. My closest friends (really, adopted family is more accurate) lived right next door to me for the past 10 years so we had daily face-to-face contact, shared meals at least once a week and did movie nights much more frequently. But they are a bit technophobic and not really fond of typing or computers. They like in person contact. Hence, now that I'm in Portugal, we've done a few video chats, but they don't respond very well to emails, so mostly our contact has dropped to next to nothing.
Another close friend loves to type, so she and I do LONG email exchanges at least weekly. She hates video chat because she likes to keep moving about her house while she talks on the phone, so she will do phone calls, but because she doesn't like to use Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp, it limits overseas phone calls to Google Voice and for some reason, she hasn't logged my Google Voice number in her contacts, so she never thinks to just call me up or text me. We pretty much stick to emails.
I have one sister I'm close with, and she's very tech savvy, so we text via WhatsApp often, and video chat once in a while.
What I've learned is that the dropoff is as much a factor of the "communication channel" as it is anything else.
I love your blog…. but life does get in the way and am not timely in responding. I think of you and Denise fondly and of course wish you the very best always…
My life is a new grandchild- yippee!
My son & his girlfriend recently got married at our home with 100 + guests, we’ve become member of our club and are busy with it- o excuses, but life continues and is busy so don’t for one minute think we’ve forgotten you…..you will always be in my heart!
I've moved over 40 times in my life (attended 13 schools before graduating from high school) and had to smile when I found my old Christmas card address book from the 1990's. I don't even remember who most of those people were. Life for me is an ocean that flows towards new shores, and when I glance back from the last harbor, a lighthouse beacon of friendship shines from one or two points, but most of the house lights grow dim the further I travel. When I start to feel a bit guilty about not maintaining past relationships, I ask if that person is also working on it- most of the time it's a no. True friends are few and that is OK. And when we re-connect, there are no recriminations about lapse of time, we just pick up where we left off. We write a blog to keep our grandchildren, family, and friends posted about our travels, so they can connect if they want. But no guilt if they do not. Thank you for sharing your journey with me.
When my husband and I sold everything and moved aboard a sailboat for 2 years, then moved back to the same city, I realized the truth to this saying " put your finger in a glass of water, then remove it. Does it leave a hole?". Basically, that's the impact of someone leaving the community. They fill the void. nature doesn't like a void. My sister moved to Africa for a period, then returned to her house and friends, and was so surprised that nobody wanted to hear her stories or look at her photos. Nobody really cared that she'd left, no-one seemed to have the time to hear about the adventure, and some people didn't even know she'd been gone. this life moves too quickly now I think.
Great explanation
My husband struggled with the connection drop off when he moved from Michigan to California. A certain number of friends gradually disappeared over time when I went from SF to LA and back again. I think it's really normal, life does get in the way. I also think that the American culture blurs the line between acquaintance and friend. As you noted, the Portuguese are polite but reserved, and part of that is related to language and ease of communication. But another part is related to we Americans, who have a rep for being friendly (sometimes this is presented as overly so). I think sometimes big moves highlight who the acquaintances in one's life were versus true friendship. And sometimes even true friendships only flourish under a certain set of circumstances, and once those circumstances shift far enough from what fed it originally, the friendship peters out. In neither case does this mean that they didn't care about us and vice versa, nor does it mean that we wouldn't be close again if circumstances/geography were to change.
Nancy...as always, enjoyed this article. I have lived in 9 different states. At one time my Christmas card list was over 150 people. That was the way I stayed in contact at least once a year with friends I had made with every move. But, the truth is, once I made a move and was able to "let go" at that end and was able to connect at the new location, my need to stay in touch and maintain "old" relationships seemed to dwindle. I believe it is only natural that we "move on" when we re-locate. And as someone else mentioned, everyone else's life goes on without me so strong relationships dwindle as well. In my opinion (and experience) it is just a natural progression.
Thanks for this. Been here 10 months and am starting to experience the drop off in connection back home and it's good to know it's not just me.
Great subject matter Nancy.
Firstly, I agree 100% you should hire a lawyer to represent you in a home purchase. Another key to doing so is to make sure it is not a referral from your realtor so you have 100% transparency. They do things differently in Portugal. Set the ground rules as to what you expect from them and know that time lines don’t mean much when doing inspections in the country.
Secondly, I have moved around ever since I was a child. My relationships are different as it is difficult to keep in contact with older friends once you locate to a new town let alone a new country. “Life simply gets in the way!” Your sense of what is important is the new relationships you now have and will continue to have with those that you are meeting. You have both been very busy traveling, exploring and getting settled. We met so many wonderful people in Portugal during our 6 week trip. I often ask myself how many people would I have met had we stayed in one place instead of moving around. You will eventually meet those Portuguese who will become friends, but it won’t happen until you have a daily routine in VRSA.
Thirdly, splitting time between 2 homes has its problems. I devote most of my time to those I call friends while living in Florida and not so much back in Colorado and vice versa. It’s hard maintaining for me anyway friends in 12 different cities. We gravitate to people of similar interests and need that bond. We get that from other immigrants who speak our language.
Hope you both are doing well.
Good luck with the closing of your apartment.
I have relocated many times as an adult and my experience has been that if you are the one who moves, you are the one who mainly needs to initiate contact because you are no longer there. People often say they will visit you once you relocate and some do but most don't find the time.
1 year in and I've experienced the same dropoff. What I've come to realize is that much of it has to do with the mode of contact. My closest friends (really, adopted family is more accurate) lived right next door to me for the past 10 years so we had daily face-to-face contact, shared meals at least once a week and did movie nights much more frequently. But they are a bit technophobic and not really fond of typing or computers. They like in person contact. Hence, now that I'm in Portugal, we've done a few video chats, but they don't respond very well to emails, so mostly our contact has dropped to next to nothing.
Another close friend loves to type, so she and I do LONG email exchanges at least weekly. She hates video chat because she likes to keep moving about her house while she talks on the phone, so she will do phone calls, but because she doesn't like to use Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp, it limits overseas phone calls to Google Voice and for some reason, she hasn't logged my Google Voice number in her contacts, so she never thinks to just call me up or text me. We pretty much stick to emails.
I have one sister I'm close with, and she's very tech savvy, so we text via WhatsApp often, and video chat once in a while.
What I've learned is that the dropoff is as much a factor of the "communication channel" as it is anything else.
What! You keep in touch with a lot of people... I can't even keep up with your messages :-)
I love your blog…. but life does get in the way and am not timely in responding. I think of you and Denise fondly and of course wish you the very best always…
My life is a new grandchild- yippee!
My son & his girlfriend recently got married at our home with 100 + guests, we’ve become member of our club and are busy with it- o excuses, but life continues and is busy so don’t for one minute think we’ve forgotten you…..you will always be in my heart!