Sounds like you need to start a Rainbow Family & Friends Group there to find your “tribe” like we did here in The Villages. Be forewarned though, it could get very large!
When you and Denise left the desert and albeit we didn't get to see one another a lot, a small part of my community was lost, so even though we've managed to make new friends since we've moved full time to the desert from the beach ....there are folks that one has history with that cannot easily/ or may never be replaced. Also, as we age, we become more selective (biased) in the types of friends we are attracted to: mutual/diverse interests if that's your thing....be it political standing, sports interests, ability to laugh, etc. I hope you and Denise find your community, give it time, and time will tell!
I think this sense of tribe/community is something we can all struggle with - and I do have some concerns about this when it’s my turn to relocate to Portugal, simply because of my dismal language skills, if nothing else.
I do hope that when I find the geographic location I want to put roots down in, that I will be able to find a way to put my passion and skills to good use, and that a side benefit of doing so would be to help find members of my particular tribe.
Totally enjoy your posts . . . & admire your fortitude in keeping up the daily postings. This one hit a chord for me - as an international traveler, & someone who’s considered moving abroad, I find this post on ‘community’ , irregardless of where I call home, hits a chord. Thanks
Feeling a part of a community is the heart and soul of being, right? When I've been part of communities, they have been quite small--one or two close friends, a small group of others. I also have a strong need for alone time which I suppose is reflected in the small community trend. What you describe at the beginning of your post that regardless of all that you already have, there is still a need to belong, to connect with others, speaks to me. I don't know if this has worked for you, but I've had some luck with volunteer organizations for finding friends and community who share my beliefs or, at the very least, support common causes. Maybe we'll meet on the other side of my immigration to Portugal and recollect Pride parades through the decades as we cheer on the latest one. Be well.
Scott, I look forward to meeting you once you get to Portugal. Frankly, I haven't attended a lot of Pride parades...but once is noteworthy. I had won a small sales contest which resulted in the company sending me a choice of 5 different vacation destinations. I chose Toronto because it was outside the US and at the time I was living in FL and Denise was in Philadelphia working for the summer. I could fly to Philly and from there, there were a lot of flights to Toronto. Anyway on the flight to Toronto Denise said, "Aren't there a lot of gay people on this plane." My response, "Oh you think everybody is gay." Anyway, we check into our hotel and find it is this hotel for the Gay Pride coordinating committee and it is Pride weekend. I had no idea when we booked the trip. The parade was huge...IBM and the Mayor had a float. It was great fun!
I used to attend annual library conference meetings which often coincided with the Pride parade in the major cities--Chicago, DC, Miami, San Francisco, New Orleans... It was fun mixing work and 'home'. Your anecdote above brought a smile to my face. I can almost hear your interchange on the flight with Denise... :)
After retiring, I also lost the link to tribe. It is a deep need for all of us if we are able to admit it. And you have so eloquently. Gail and my most important ties are with the pickleball community, but in many ways, it is superficial and ends with the last hit of the day, especially in The Villages. Here in Santa Fe, over the course of seven years of visiting for a couple months at a time, we have a loosely knit tribe. Nothing earth shaking and it falls short. I seek nature and solitude, which are so integral to who I am, but the bottom line is that I need people with whom conversation can be more than empty discourse and who share my deepest convictions. What I have learned, it is about being of service and tribe will follow. Will keep searching, of course, and best to you in finding yours! (Time is getting shorter......)
I know this is an older post from when you lived in Cascais but you two are heros! You uprooted and moved to our sweet VRSA and now created a fabulous tribe. While more and more people are moving here and we have meet ups here and there you created something totally lacking here in VRSA. I love your pickleball tribe and I feel lucky to be part of a fun and active group (with you to fabulous ladies at the helm).
You are trailblazers and I know at the beginning the group was small, but with consistency some marketing and your leadership and fun and friendship we now have a fabulous new activity and healthy tribe gathering a couple of times a week. I'm so looking forward to traveling with you and our group to play against the Portugal Teams up north in a few weeks.
You've managed to combine sports, friendship, community, charity (bringing the sport to the local schools) travel, fun and our after sports cafe (ok beer) group.
Thanks to you two you've made our community so much better and we are so lucky to have you here in our sweet little town in paradise. You did it! You're a great example of creating the change you want to see happen! I know it wasn't easy to pick up and find a community which would work for you but you did it! Hopefully you will inspire others to get out and do the same thing. One person (or two) can make a huge difference!
Americans & Friends PT Facebook group feels like it is about 50% LGBTQ, but that's just my anecdotal observation. Unfortunately I am straight, but I don't hold it against myself. You do have lovely eyes though! (KIDDING!) https://www.facebook.com/groups/americansandfriendsPT/
Hi Nancy, What an insightful post! We moved to the Cascais area in 2020 and I am still looking for a community of people here in Cascais that I can fit into, so I found your post resonant.
Nancy you should maybe try looking for a padel tennis club. They’re very popular in Europe. Shame pickleball is only in the Uk. Might be worth a look …. great game.
Hope you find what you’re looking for.
Alvor just by Faro is worth looking at for a wee get a way weekend. Lovely small town on the coast. Lots of golf courses and great little restaurants!!
A group of 8 of us go every year from our golf club. Fun week.
I stopped playing pickleball several years ago because of my knees. But Denise was playing until we moved here. She immediately took a padel lesson. Her hope was she would also be able to convince her instructor to take up pickleball. Unfortunately, that didn't work out. But it is an interesting game and (as you said) played a lot here. We are headed to the Algarve in July to do a scouting trip. Looking more in the Eastern Algarve as we would like a place with fewer tourists (sorry...but hope you can understand).
Thank you for such an honest post - we are 3 years away from our son graduating from high school and us spreading our wings to live abroad. Clearly finding community is not a gay/straight issue but I do love that you have spoken with your heart on this subject. We are a gay couple with a kiddo and have realized that since becoming parents we have no gay community. It is really just a process of attrition, not a conscious choice. Our kids friends parents became our friends. We have recently found community with our church - as luck would have it we have made some gay friends too but more importantly we found a tribe of like minded individuals who believe in affirmative living. This is a long way of saying that first you need to decided to stay in one area and then begin joining/volunteering for organizations that resonate with your values. I believe you will find your Tribe. That being said the time that you are 'hiking on your path to the time you find your bridge' can definitely feel lonely. I think the loneliness is what helps you commit to a place and the people once you find your new 'home'. Without the suffering you may not recognize the gifts of real friendship or being able to commit. Easy to say, sort of like, eat less and exercise more to lose weight...(easy to say but an ongoing challenge). What you focus on expands and it seems you now have your focus. Please keep sharing your posts - I am in Austin Texas and am inspired by you and what I believe to be a kindred spirit who is a guiding light for the next chapter for me and my partner. You have inadvertently taken up the leadership mantle again and I can't wait to see where you take it!
I am wondering how much the language difference plays into your ability to find your community. Do you feel that you have the fluency to make close friends with those who speak only Portuguese? If not, do you expect to become fluent in Portuguese?
I suspect it does have some limiting factor. Today we can get by in a pinch, but often need to switch to English. I am actually writing a post for next week about more of our learning adventures.
Lots of my friends looking for community. Moving home or moving where children are. Not sure where my community is. If I can figure that out maybe I’ll move. Happy hunting.
Upon retiring, I found I missed the soul-nourishing rewards of doing professional work that had some meaning or benefit to others. Thus, I started freelancing online doing presentations, minor graphics, spreadsheets, manuals, and workbooks. This allowed me to keep old skills sharp, exercise some creativity, learn new subjects and – most importantly – virtually meet new people. While I do get paid for my services, money is not the primary motivator!
No, not the same thing as the community you discussed – but food for thought perhaps…
Sounds like you need to start a Rainbow Family & Friends Group there to find your “tribe” like we did here in The Villages. Be forewarned though, it could get very large!
Nancy,
When you and Denise left the desert and albeit we didn't get to see one another a lot, a small part of my community was lost, so even though we've managed to make new friends since we've moved full time to the desert from the beach ....there are folks that one has history with that cannot easily/ or may never be replaced. Also, as we age, we become more selective (biased) in the types of friends we are attracted to: mutual/diverse interests if that's your thing....be it political standing, sports interests, ability to laugh, etc. I hope you and Denise find your community, give it time, and time will tell!
I think this sense of tribe/community is something we can all struggle with - and I do have some concerns about this when it’s my turn to relocate to Portugal, simply because of my dismal language skills, if nothing else.
I do hope that when I find the geographic location I want to put roots down in, that I will be able to find a way to put my passion and skills to good use, and that a side benefit of doing so would be to help find members of my particular tribe.
Totally enjoy your posts . . . & admire your fortitude in keeping up the daily postings. This one hit a chord for me - as an international traveler, & someone who’s considered moving abroad, I find this post on ‘community’ , irregardless of where I call home, hits a chord. Thanks
Feeling a part of a community is the heart and soul of being, right? When I've been part of communities, they have been quite small--one or two close friends, a small group of others. I also have a strong need for alone time which I suppose is reflected in the small community trend. What you describe at the beginning of your post that regardless of all that you already have, there is still a need to belong, to connect with others, speaks to me. I don't know if this has worked for you, but I've had some luck with volunteer organizations for finding friends and community who share my beliefs or, at the very least, support common causes. Maybe we'll meet on the other side of my immigration to Portugal and recollect Pride parades through the decades as we cheer on the latest one. Be well.
Scott, I look forward to meeting you once you get to Portugal. Frankly, I haven't attended a lot of Pride parades...but once is noteworthy. I had won a small sales contest which resulted in the company sending me a choice of 5 different vacation destinations. I chose Toronto because it was outside the US and at the time I was living in FL and Denise was in Philadelphia working for the summer. I could fly to Philly and from there, there were a lot of flights to Toronto. Anyway on the flight to Toronto Denise said, "Aren't there a lot of gay people on this plane." My response, "Oh you think everybody is gay." Anyway, we check into our hotel and find it is this hotel for the Gay Pride coordinating committee and it is Pride weekend. I had no idea when we booked the trip. The parade was huge...IBM and the Mayor had a float. It was great fun!
I used to attend annual library conference meetings which often coincided with the Pride parade in the major cities--Chicago, DC, Miami, San Francisco, New Orleans... It was fun mixing work and 'home'. Your anecdote above brought a smile to my face. I can almost hear your interchange on the flight with Denise... :)
After retiring, I also lost the link to tribe. It is a deep need for all of us if we are able to admit it. And you have so eloquently. Gail and my most important ties are with the pickleball community, but in many ways, it is superficial and ends with the last hit of the day, especially in The Villages. Here in Santa Fe, over the course of seven years of visiting for a couple months at a time, we have a loosely knit tribe. Nothing earth shaking and it falls short. I seek nature and solitude, which are so integral to who I am, but the bottom line is that I need people with whom conversation can be more than empty discourse and who share my deepest convictions. What I have learned, it is about being of service and tribe will follow. Will keep searching, of course, and best to you in finding yours! (Time is getting shorter......)
I know this is an older post from when you lived in Cascais but you two are heros! You uprooted and moved to our sweet VRSA and now created a fabulous tribe. While more and more people are moving here and we have meet ups here and there you created something totally lacking here in VRSA. I love your pickleball tribe and I feel lucky to be part of a fun and active group (with you to fabulous ladies at the helm).
You are trailblazers and I know at the beginning the group was small, but with consistency some marketing and your leadership and fun and friendship we now have a fabulous new activity and healthy tribe gathering a couple of times a week. I'm so looking forward to traveling with you and our group to play against the Portugal Teams up north in a few weeks.
You've managed to combine sports, friendship, community, charity (bringing the sport to the local schools) travel, fun and our after sports cafe (ok beer) group.
Thanks to you two you've made our community so much better and we are so lucky to have you here in our sweet little town in paradise. You did it! You're a great example of creating the change you want to see happen! I know it wasn't easy to pick up and find a community which would work for you but you did it! Hopefully you will inspire others to get out and do the same thing. One person (or two) can make a huge difference!
Americans & Friends PT Facebook group feels like it is about 50% LGBTQ, but that's just my anecdotal observation. Unfortunately I am straight, but I don't hold it against myself. You do have lovely eyes though! (KIDDING!) https://www.facebook.com/groups/americansandfriendsPT/
Thanks for the recommendation and the compliment....
Glad to be in your tribe!
Nancy,
Having trouble posting a response. Before I rewrite it, did you mysteriously get it?
Jeanne
Jeanne. I am sorry…no. But feel free to write to me at ncwhiteman@gmail.com if it is easier.
Hi Nancy, What an insightful post! We moved to the Cascais area in 2020 and I am still looking for a community of people here in Cascais that I can fit into, so I found your post resonant.
Tom, thanks for your note. Feel free to contact me at ncwhiteman@gmail.com if you want to talk.
Nancy you should maybe try looking for a padel tennis club. They’re very popular in Europe. Shame pickleball is only in the Uk. Might be worth a look …. great game.
Hope you find what you’re looking for.
Alvor just by Faro is worth looking at for a wee get a way weekend. Lovely small town on the coast. Lots of golf courses and great little restaurants!!
A group of 8 of us go every year from our golf club. Fun week.
All the best. Take care. x
I stopped playing pickleball several years ago because of my knees. But Denise was playing until we moved here. She immediately took a padel lesson. Her hope was she would also be able to convince her instructor to take up pickleball. Unfortunately, that didn't work out. But it is an interesting game and (as you said) played a lot here. We are headed to the Algarve in July to do a scouting trip. Looking more in the Eastern Algarve as we would like a place with fewer tourists (sorry...but hope you can understand).
Thank you for such an honest post - we are 3 years away from our son graduating from high school and us spreading our wings to live abroad. Clearly finding community is not a gay/straight issue but I do love that you have spoken with your heart on this subject. We are a gay couple with a kiddo and have realized that since becoming parents we have no gay community. It is really just a process of attrition, not a conscious choice. Our kids friends parents became our friends. We have recently found community with our church - as luck would have it we have made some gay friends too but more importantly we found a tribe of like minded individuals who believe in affirmative living. This is a long way of saying that first you need to decided to stay in one area and then begin joining/volunteering for organizations that resonate with your values. I believe you will find your Tribe. That being said the time that you are 'hiking on your path to the time you find your bridge' can definitely feel lonely. I think the loneliness is what helps you commit to a place and the people once you find your new 'home'. Without the suffering you may not recognize the gifts of real friendship or being able to commit. Easy to say, sort of like, eat less and exercise more to lose weight...(easy to say but an ongoing challenge). What you focus on expands and it seems you now have your focus. Please keep sharing your posts - I am in Austin Texas and am inspired by you and what I believe to be a kindred spirit who is a guiding light for the next chapter for me and my partner. You have inadvertently taken up the leadership mantle again and I can't wait to see where you take it!
Oddly enough the couple we connected with is from Austin. So I am taking this as a sign!
I am wondering how much the language difference plays into your ability to find your community. Do you feel that you have the fluency to make close friends with those who speak only Portuguese? If not, do you expect to become fluent in Portuguese?
I suspect it does have some limiting factor. Today we can get by in a pinch, but often need to switch to English. I am actually writing a post for next week about more of our learning adventures.
Lots of my friends looking for community. Moving home or moving where children are. Not sure where my community is. If I can figure that out maybe I’ll move. Happy hunting.
Thanks Barbara...you too!
Upon retiring, I found I missed the soul-nourishing rewards of doing professional work that had some meaning or benefit to others. Thus, I started freelancing online doing presentations, minor graphics, spreadsheets, manuals, and workbooks. This allowed me to keep old skills sharp, exercise some creativity, learn new subjects and – most importantly – virtually meet new people. While I do get paid for my services, money is not the primary motivator!
No, not the same thing as the community you discussed – but food for thought perhaps…
Good thought Tom. I will admit i love the writing process and when readers contact me!