I think the ideal life that we imagine is a mix of probability and possibility. I like to lean into the latter. What I am in discovering in Portugal, is when we slow down our ideal life may, in fact, discover us.
Another lovely post. I worked with a wonderful life coach 18 months ago to ask and reflect upon your questions. What are my 3 or 4 Core Values at age 69? Now I am in Lisbon for six weeks still awaiting the finishing of my flat - so a bit nomadic. I am a privileged immigrant and I know this. Yet being without home base has created some stress at this stage of life. My back aches lugging my suitcases around. I have met incredible people - Portuguese and ex pat. I have begun intensive language class and will continue. And while there are moments of feeling alone - I recall that having solitude was one of my values too. I am completely blessed and the ongoing unknown - as frustrating as it can be - was and remains a value. Yes - asking the questions was the only way for me! Thank you.
My retirement life is pretty close to what I imagined and in some ways better. I spent my years 16-27 chasing waves around Southern California, Europe and Mexico/Central America. At 28 I decided my life needed a more serious direction so went to grad school, got married and started a family and career and let surfing take a back seat. However, I always dreamed of being able to surf consistently again. Now we have a place in the Costa Vicentina 1 mile from the beach and, while it is not in the tropics which I had always dreamed, its close enough. I don't surf as much as I thought I would (mainly due to having lived in Florida for 25 yrs and surfing a lot in the tropics I really don't like surfing in the cold winter water), but I also have other activities that give purpose to my life. On a whim we bought a 9 acre flower farm and working around the farm keeps me very busy. We are converting the farm from protea flowers to lavender with the goal of producing lavender products. Life is good.
This is a wonderful, thoughtful post, full of truth as it presents for you. I have observed retirement, especially in The Villages, as life directed to mostly trying to have fun. And having fun has eventually proven empty for me because I want to be of service and to do things that are meaningful. Fun is nice but one can play in only so many pickleball tournaments while the world is going to hell. Can I do anything to stop that? Not much but it is the only thing which gives me, in my opinion, a reason to get up in the morning. My current focus is questioning the gun culture in America. Without plan or a passion or serving others, retirement is just time to "get through" with way too many hours in the day. Being white privileged is a whole other consideration. For many old folks everywhere, there is no money to even consider a plan for retirement. Thanks for this post.
Funny, on a personal note, besides writing about my Portugal experiences in Portugal News, my main work is as an emotions therapist, which focuses on emotional & trauma release and recovery. Emotions = energy in motion and we’re either controlled by our emotions or, by learning emotional resiliency, WE control our emotions.
And if we never learned to do that, we can be overtaken by sadness, anxiety, despair and the like. While people can “pat” down their difficult emotions, retirement can often trigger a lot of emotions we’ve suppressed over the years.
Going inward to sit with what’s coming up can be very healing. But as you suggest, meditation - the quiet sitting “mindfulness” type - can also be very challenging. (I call it the “sit down & shut-up” type. And it’s so very difficult for so many - I know, I was one of them.)
I find an active and expressive form much more accessible. And for anyone interested, I’ve started doing some sessions - mostly in the Western Algarve. Anybody who wants, can sign-up to be notified of them at BeccaWilliams.org/portugal
I don’t mean to hijack your space here but it sounds like you’re open to offering solutions. I hope this was ok 😬 OR just delete this and I’ll understand!
Well….what we imagined just got even better! We really love to dance. Only only 47 days until we hit that dance floor. As a song says “ don’t ever lose your sense of wonder, when you get the chance just dance”.
Thanks for the article, Nancy. So much of what you say really rings true. It often takes time (decades, really) to discover what we want and who we want to be. Bevy Smith has a saying, "it gets greater later," and it wasn't until I got older that I understood what she means.
This is a wonderful read, dear Nancy. At first I was worried about not so optimistic ending. Like please, please, don't ruin my dreams... lol... Thanks again
I am living the life that I never imagined I could live. We live in a country club in Indian Wells, CA, USA. We moved here from the beach where I spent 65 years… I loved it! But, I love the desert now. The club we’re in is very social, golf bocce ball, tournaments, dancing and events, fitness club. We have many friends here and our adult children are two hours away at the beach….and visit often.
Our social life at the beach was never this robust and I often think our parents (they’ve all passed) would have LOVED it here. So, we pinch ourselves as we are so surprised at what a great lifestyle we are able to enjoy.
This is what I am looking for! So tired of the rat race and corporate America not to mention daily mass shootings! We just returned from our 3rd trip to Portugal and each time we are finding it increasingly harder to return to the USA. Thanks for the lovely insights!
When I told my sister we were moving to Portugal, she said, "Oh my gosh, you have to talk to my friend! She moved there and is THRIVING!" - turns out she and Veronica were friends back in the states. As much as I love being here in the north, I do hope we get a chance to visit VRSA. If only to enjoy one of the incredible parts of Portugal that is helping Veronica thrive.
I think the ideal life that we imagine is a mix of probability and possibility. I like to lean into the latter. What I am in discovering in Portugal, is when we slow down our ideal life may, in fact, discover us.
Well said!
Another lovely post. I worked with a wonderful life coach 18 months ago to ask and reflect upon your questions. What are my 3 or 4 Core Values at age 69? Now I am in Lisbon for six weeks still awaiting the finishing of my flat - so a bit nomadic. I am a privileged immigrant and I know this. Yet being without home base has created some stress at this stage of life. My back aches lugging my suitcases around. I have met incredible people - Portuguese and ex pat. I have begun intensive language class and will continue. And while there are moments of feeling alone - I recall that having solitude was one of my values too. I am completely blessed and the ongoing unknown - as frustrating as it can be - was and remains a value. Yes - asking the questions was the only way for me! Thank you.
My retirement life is pretty close to what I imagined and in some ways better. I spent my years 16-27 chasing waves around Southern California, Europe and Mexico/Central America. At 28 I decided my life needed a more serious direction so went to grad school, got married and started a family and career and let surfing take a back seat. However, I always dreamed of being able to surf consistently again. Now we have a place in the Costa Vicentina 1 mile from the beach and, while it is not in the tropics which I had always dreamed, its close enough. I don't surf as much as I thought I would (mainly due to having lived in Florida for 25 yrs and surfing a lot in the tropics I really don't like surfing in the cold winter water), but I also have other activities that give purpose to my life. On a whim we bought a 9 acre flower farm and working around the farm keeps me very busy. We are converting the farm from protea flowers to lavender with the goal of producing lavender products. Life is good.
This is a wonderful, thoughtful post, full of truth as it presents for you. I have observed retirement, especially in The Villages, as life directed to mostly trying to have fun. And having fun has eventually proven empty for me because I want to be of service and to do things that are meaningful. Fun is nice but one can play in only so many pickleball tournaments while the world is going to hell. Can I do anything to stop that? Not much but it is the only thing which gives me, in my opinion, a reason to get up in the morning. My current focus is questioning the gun culture in America. Without plan or a passion or serving others, retirement is just time to "get through" with way too many hours in the day. Being white privileged is a whole other consideration. For many old folks everywhere, there is no money to even consider a plan for retirement. Thanks for this post.
Nancy another home run!
Funny, on a personal note, besides writing about my Portugal experiences in Portugal News, my main work is as an emotions therapist, which focuses on emotional & trauma release and recovery. Emotions = energy in motion and we’re either controlled by our emotions or, by learning emotional resiliency, WE control our emotions.
And if we never learned to do that, we can be overtaken by sadness, anxiety, despair and the like. While people can “pat” down their difficult emotions, retirement can often trigger a lot of emotions we’ve suppressed over the years.
Going inward to sit with what’s coming up can be very healing. But as you suggest, meditation - the quiet sitting “mindfulness” type - can also be very challenging. (I call it the “sit down & shut-up” type. And it’s so very difficult for so many - I know, I was one of them.)
I find an active and expressive form much more accessible. And for anyone interested, I’ve started doing some sessions - mostly in the Western Algarve. Anybody who wants, can sign-up to be notified of them at BeccaWilliams.org/portugal
I don’t mean to hijack your space here but it sounds like you’re open to offering solutions. I hope this was ok 😬 OR just delete this and I’ll understand!
Well….what we imagined just got even better! We really love to dance. Only only 47 days until we hit that dance floor. As a song says “ don’t ever lose your sense of wonder, when you get the chance just dance”.
Thanks for the article, Nancy. So much of what you say really rings true. It often takes time (decades, really) to discover what we want and who we want to be. Bevy Smith has a saying, "it gets greater later," and it wasn't until I got older that I understood what she means.
This is a wonderful read, dear Nancy. At first I was worried about not so optimistic ending. Like please, please, don't ruin my dreams... lol... Thanks again
I am living the life that I never imagined I could live. We live in a country club in Indian Wells, CA, USA. We moved here from the beach where I spent 65 years… I loved it! But, I love the desert now. The club we’re in is very social, golf bocce ball, tournaments, dancing and events, fitness club. We have many friends here and our adult children are two hours away at the beach….and visit often.
Our social life at the beach was never this robust and I often think our parents (they’ve all passed) would have LOVED it here. So, we pinch ourselves as we are so surprised at what a great lifestyle we are able to enjoy.
Nice piece, thank you. There is also a "3/4 life crisis" you know? You'll see...
"Our lives are not our own..." (Cloud Atlas)
This is what I am looking for! So tired of the rat race and corporate America not to mention daily mass shootings! We just returned from our 3rd trip to Portugal and each time we are finding it increasingly harder to return to the USA. Thanks for the lovely insights!
very well said. I enjoyed this.
This is so true and so meaningful. My favorite post thus far!
What I want in life (and who I want to be) changes every few years! It's hard to keep up with! :)
What a great post! And very timely for us as we celebrate our first month on Madeira asking those same questions. Thanks!
When I told my sister we were moving to Portugal, she said, "Oh my gosh, you have to talk to my friend! She moved there and is THRIVING!" - turns out she and Veronica were friends back in the states. As much as I love being here in the north, I do hope we get a chance to visit VRSA. If only to enjoy one of the incredible parts of Portugal that is helping Veronica thrive.