Elections, Grief, and Rash Decisions
Take time to grieve...
Permit me to quote one of my subscribers. “Well. That didn’t turn out so well.”1 Grief is the only word I can find to describe how I feel. I know many of you feel the same way. But, I am reminded of the caution one often relates to a grieving friend or relative…"Take your time. This is not the time to make rash decisions.”2
We All Remember Where We Were When…
I woke at 3:30 on Wednesday morning. As I quietly got out of bed, Denise let me know she was already awake. We turned on MSNBC … and the Electoral College numbers were pretty much what we expected. However, Steve Kornacki’s analysis gave me pause. Kamala’s numbers were lagging those achieved by Biden in 2020. When they called Georgia, I felt the first wave of nausea and turned off the set. I knew it wouldn’t be healthy for me to watch anymore.
I needed to keep myself occupied with something other than politics until the sun rose. Uncomfortable with the President Elect’s economic policies, I started rebalancing our portfolio. (NB: this is NOT a good thing to do at 5:30 in the morning when you are upset. I have always been a disciplined investor who stays the course and does not react to fluctuations in the market. When I learned at 9:30 that the market was projecting a significant gain, I canceled all my planned trades. Fortunately, this was before Vanguard woke up and got to work.)
When the sun rose, I took Onix for her morning walk. As I walked along the river, I briefly thought of jumping in. (Perhaps I should talk to a doctor and get some medication.) Instead, I went to my happy place … the beach. I would not listen to political podcasts during my morning constitutional … I would listen to something else … Cement City.3
4, 5, or 7 Stages of Grief
I’m certain you are familiar with Kübler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief. As I suspect you know, other researchers have tweaked her research, suggesting there are more or fewer stages. In doing research for this post I came across the 7 Stages:
Shock and denial ... You feel emotionally numb and may deny the loss.
Pain and guilt. During this stage in grieving, the pain of the loss starts to set in…
Anger and bargaining. You may lash out at people you love or become angry with yourself…
Depression and loneliness. As you reflect on your loss, you may start to feel depressed or lonely. It is in this stage in grieving that you begin to truly realize the reality of your loss.
The upward turn. You begin to adjust to your new life, and the intensity of the pain you feel from the loss starts to reduce… you may notice that you feel calmer.
Reconstruction and working through. This stage in grieving involves taking action to move forward.
Acceptance and hope. In this final stage of the grieving process, you begin to accept the loss and feel hope for what tomorrow might bring. It's not that all your other feelings are gone, just more so that you've accepted them and are ready to move on. — verywellmind.com
Give Yourself Time
I fully expect there will be lots of people making plans to leave the US. CNBC and Fortune reported high net worth individuals were consulting immigration attorneys. The Atlantic wrote about liberals fleeing following the Trump election. A recent Gallop Poll, reported that the number of Americans looking to emigrate increased from 10% in 2011 to 18% in 2023.4
I would never want to dissuade someone from moving abroad. Moving to Portugal in 2020 was among the best decisions we ever made. However, as you look at the stages above, you will note it is not until Stage 5 that you can see clearly enough to rationally consider your options … then research them more thoroughly and create a plan during Stage 6.
I want to reassure you that many places in the world still value personal freedom … where children are not subjected to active shooter drills … and families (whatever their makeup) dance in the square on a Saturday night. As we traveled this summer, we found many places we could happily call home.
So give yourself time to feel the shock and denial, to scream into your pillow, to be sad and disappointed. Allow yourself and those you love the time needed to wade through the grief … before making your plan. I am not a relocation consultant, but I have written several posts about relocating to Portugal. I have also had the good fortune to find others who have made the leap. Some of us decided to land in a single country … others are choosing to travel the world.
Over the next weeks, I intend to create a series of documents that will help you consider your options, better understand the process, and provide links to posts (mine and others) that will provide more information. You will be able to access them via a new drop-down menu on my homepage entitled Leaving the US?
And, if you have questions or want to talk, contact me. You can email me, and I’d be happy to get on a WhatsApp call with you.
Finally, if you plan to stay and “keep fighting,” I wish you Godspeed.
Na próxima semana, mais viajen de verão, beijinhos,
Nanc
Dante Langston writes a Substack called Dante’s Descent. Dante is a truly gifted writer who spent 3 years in Portugal.
I realize it is easier for me to say this as we moved to Portugal nearly 4 years ago.
Two journalists stumble into a small town in Western Pennsylvania. A Smog disaster, memorialized in the town’s Smog Museum, led to the Clean Air Act. It also left the town dying. The journalists wonder what it’s like to live in a town left for dead. They buy a house and stay – for three years. I first learned of this podcast because I also listen to Jon Meacham’s Hope, Through History … something we all need to listen to right now.
Many of you responded to my post last week voicing concern for relatives and/or friends who did not “fit" in the new America. I hear you and share your concern. If I knew someone who was transitioning, I am sure I would feel time was of the essence.
I started planning our Portugal move during the first Trump administration, telling my husband I could not remain in the US if he were reelected. I didn’t think it could happen, but here we are. I am glad we have our visas and will finally be moving soon. But my heart is heavy.
Excellent post, Nancy.
Paul and I experienced these steps of grief in 2016 when Trump was first elected president. In retrospect, I'm glad we didn't rush to do anything too drastic, even though we were tempted to do just that. But that year, the seed of moving to another country was fully planted in our minds. By 2020, we felt we were well prepared to make the move and in 2021, we obtained our D7 visas and moved to Portugal. We don't regret our decision and feel somewhat relieved that we don't have to live in the U.S. right now or try to navigate the waters of moving to another country in panic mode, even though we sometimes feel guilty for leaving family and friends. And living here doesn't mean we're not apprehensive and concerned about our loved ones who remain there.
For some people, remaining in the U.S. is the only option they have and I understand that. Everyone is different with different priorities and obligations. For others, they may be on the fence as to what to do. But I do think, this time around, the Trump administration will be more forceful and demanding at the expense of many of America's citizens. That frightens me the most.
For my part, I will continue to be as well-informed as possible, and will be here as a resource and sounding board for those who may need to vent or to ask questions. I always enjoy your perspective and thank you for writing this honest post. - CW