Thanks for the honest article. It's the life of an emigrant - you love what you love about your country of origin and your new country and you hate what you hate. There's nothing wrong with disliking, or even hating, certain things about your new home country. And when those things pop up and show their ugly heads, it's natural to overstate the other petty annoyances and understate the things that you dislike/hate about your country or origin.
I've been in Portugal for nearly 3 years and the newness and the wonderful feeling of discovering new things almost every day has certainly worn off. Things that I once might have chalked up to "charmingly different" or "quaint" have lost their appeal. I hate the sidewalks. There I said it and I stand by it. I hate them. They are death traps. They're uneven, often hole-filled, ice rinks when wet and covered in leaves. I don't understand how older people and people of limited mobility and people with injuries navigate them without horrible consequences. Their "charm" doesn't overcome their danger and the risk of twisted ankles and/or broken bones. They must be expensive, if not cumbersome, to maintain, so I constantly question WHY? Who likes them? I curse them frequently when out walking. And I also fully realize that if sidewalks are the biggest problem in my life, I'm doing pretty well. That realization doesn't erase my hatred of them, though.
I don't glorify or overstate the things I like about the US - convenience, choice, responsiveness. I do miss those things at times (esp the responsiveness!). But that doesn't overcome my utter shock, disdain and disgust at what's happening there and I'm so, so grateful to not have to deal with it on a daily basis. It's much easier to avoid news and talk of it when you're 4,000 miles away. So I'll take the death-trap sidewalks here - continuing to curse them - as a more-than-acceptable trade off.
Happy new year and I hope your creative spurt brings your joy and peace!
As a person who tripped on one of those death trap sidewalks and cracked my front teeth, I'd take the bad sidewalks over the outrageous medical costs, the corporatization of EVERYTHING (everything looks and acts the same), the meanness, the hate, etc. of the US. I've been here 3 years too, granted on an idyllic (altho over-touristed) island, and wouldn't trade it for the "convenience" of the US in a million years. Happy New Year.
Being of limited mobility I have found the cobbled streets of VRSA to be getting worse - partly because lorries delivering supplies to new buildings are clearly damaging them. The council could do more to force the builders to pay for the damage.
Portugal is starting a beverage container deposit/return system in April. Hopefully next Christmas there will be less cans on your street. If not, you will make some money collecting them and turning them in for the deposit.
I found it intriguing that it sounds like Denise may not be on the same page. We could hear from her?
As for Chega, personally, I found it heartening that the Portuguese courts ordered those racist billboards down and imposed fines.
I couldn’t help but contrast that with how little accountability exist for similar political messaging in the US and wrote a piece exploring that tension – sharing it here in case it adds to the conversation.
I enjoy hearing about the little and big annoyances people experience while settling into a new country—it gives me a sense of connection.
And while Portugal has wonderful coffee, I’ll confess that I miss the American diner coffee, where your cup is endlessly refilled. But this is not a dealbreaker.
Go and muck around in your studio today that will cheer you up for sure. I look forward to reading your next post. Happy new year🥳
I suppose most of us go through culture shocks, when the new culture doesn't behave like the one we've come from. Yes, it's upsetting. We're shielded from this if we're not fully immersed, but then the shocks seem greater when they come.
No, it's not a direct culture, and many Portuguese find such directness rude. Public face must be saved, as must hierarchical positions.
I'm now fully immersed in the language and culture, I've been here for over 30 years, married to a Portuguese man who has helped me to understand what it means to be Portuguese. Overall , I value my expanded vision. Yet I still have occasional moments when I get annoyed at some aspects.
Nancy, thank you so much for this - it’s good to read of that other side that comes from being an immigrant. I find myself doing the same - missing places we have lived, and listing what frustrates me. We carry within us our memories and experiences. But slowly we are absorbing the places we are now, and the people we are becoming.
I go back 4-5 times a year for work, and it’s helpful for keeping those longings and wonderings sated. I am never so happy to be lining up in immigration as I am after those trips.
Bon courage Nancy, and thank you again for naming what we all feel.
No one can answer that for you. Porto is a city … do you want to live in a city? Porto is further north and like Seattle has more rain than other parts of PT…do you mind rain? What is your housing budget?
Boas Festas, Nancy. Thank you for writing about your frustrations living in Portugal. Compared to the US, the frustrations are minor, in my opinion. Happy to be living in Portugal, along with my wife. We have no intention of moving back to the US. Enjoy your time in your studio. Art is healing.
Great story Nancy! Frustrations are a welcome part of life… they prove that we are still alive, engaged and thinking! Not only that, you can move and do things about the beer cans!!
Here’s wishing you a healthy,happy new year filled with love,laughter, adventures, art and more posts!!
Hi Nancy, Thank you so much for this post!!! We arrived yesterday after almost 3 weeks in metro NYC visiting our daughter's family in NJ. They live in a lovely "bubble" on the trainline from NYC in central NJ with beautiful neighbors - mostly immigrants - who treat us as if we haven't been gone for months. It was so cold there - we arrived home yesterday and, as I write this on the morning after a recovery sleep, I'm' on the veranda in the sun overlooking a calm ocean and so grateful that this is where we are. What we learned while in the US was that the ONLY thing we miss from the US is our family and our friends - who all come visit us here on the island. Yes, there are some frustrations here - and Chega and that far right cult are definitely problems, BUT, that is a problem everywhere (Thanks in large part due to a concerted effort that originated in the US). What gives me hope is that my acquaintances and friends who are here - many of whom are quite young - reject the far right trend and are disgusted by what's going on in the US. They make a tiny fraction of what they could make in the US for the same work, but they are happy here. Family and quality of life are more important than salary. (Although they all wish they could make more here).
We are so grateful that we landed here too and also grateful that, in our early exploration trips, we found your Substack, which inspired us to actually do it. So thanks! And feliz ano novo!!!
Nancy. I understand your feelings about life this year. Just had the same discussion with a dear friend. She pointed out that the constant emotional pummeling we receive daily due to the Trump Presidency has left us exhausted.
I usually embrace the holiday season, but this year I have been sad and depressed. Part of this is because of family members who have passed away at this time of year, and part of it may be leftover from the pandemic, but I think the largest part is the fear of what else may be coming from the administration in Washington. Believe me, you are not alone. Happy New Year, in spite of all this! Rosemary Sullivan
I totally appreciate this post! I feel similarly from time to time and now is one of those times. What you are experiencing sounds like "saudade" which makes you more Portuguese than you may think. I am working on a similar post while waiting for residency renewal, dealing with my husband's residency rejection and the uncertainty that goes with that. Now the universe is dangling a possible opportunity back in the US that could lure us back and suddenly, places like Palm Springs, San Diego and NYC seem more romantic than ever...but in reality, there are big problems there as there are here...there is no avoiding the wave of bigotry, racism and hatred that is infecting the world right now and maybe what we're feeling is the disappointment that we couldn't sidestep this wave by coming here. The only way to the other side is through and that's never easy. Fica forte!
Okay, I'm confused...why was he rejected? Don't mean to pry, but never met anyone who was rejected. Difficult/not difficult choice...if Denise were in the US, I would be on the first plane back.
Totally ok...not prying at all. The reason was he did not provide a notarized copy of our apartment lease. Having this was news to us. They also listed that he needs a NISS number...which social security will not give you if your residency is expired...regardless of how many times they continue to extend expiration. For NISS the expiration date on the card is the only one they seem to recognize. Our feeling is that Portugal is trying to "thin the herd" by creating difficulty to renew. In hopes that maybe a few of us will get frustrated easily and decide to leave. Several of our friends have all received rejection emails for one bogus, trivial reason or another so we are certainly not alone. The general attitude is, this is Portugal, it'll all work itself out eventually...and if not, attorneys are more affordable here lol!
My lawyer says a big part of the problem is that AIMA has hired lots of new people and not trained them well, so they are denying renewals because it's easier. That "NISS Glitch" has also affected some people I know. But apparently a new system is coming in now which may help... ?!
Oy! Yes, I have heard from others that the goal posts are moving. 3 years ago, we did the renewal on our own. This year, we will seek assistance from Relocate to Portugal which assisted us with the original move.
Interesting to hear other people’s take on Portugal. I have been coming here for 32 years and have lived here permanently for close to 10. I admit that there are things that really annoy me - the rubbish issue - the way animals are treated - the hunters - the way people get away with flaunting building regulations and the almost lack of customer service BUT. I have lived in many countries and so far have not found one that is perfect. They all have ‘issues’ . You just have to get used to things I suppose but the main thing is not to let them spoil your enjoyment of living here.
There are many beautiful things about Portugal and the people. I concentrate on that.
In my former career with EPA, I had interactions with the Mexican environmental agency. Whenever my Mexican counterpart would say “maybe”, the Americans at the table would think “Was that a hard no or a really hard no?” So the inability to deliver bad news must be a Latin cultural characteristic. Happy Holidays!
Wayyy to much to unpack here and address individually, but I HAVE to address a couple of things.
1) Thank you for removing the brink of insanity and frustration I've been having regarding the Portuguese culture if not wanting to deliver bad news!! My central vac hose in the kitchen port broke (old) and my neighbor offered to help (he's a maintenence service), so I accepted. He told me two days later "...his guy" had to order the party. After 9 days and hearing nothing, I researched and found a central vac company who came within two days and repaired it. Two and a-half weeks later, my upstairs neighbor showed up with a weird black hose, ready to install it.
2) This right here...
"Their willingness to allow me to continue to struggle with their language, even though I have been here for 5 years (3 1/2 for me). The fact that shop and restaurant owners trust you to pay the bill the next time you pass by if you failed to bring enough cash. The ability of children to play without adult supervision (that right there!). The quality of the fresh produce … the air … the sun’s warmth on my skin, which feels somehow stronger here. here..." ALL OF THAT!
I'm not grammatically correct like you are as a writer, but you get my points. Thank you for a lovely end of the year transparent post! It wasn't a Debbie Downer at all, but instead delightful for ME.
FELIZ ANO NOVO, my favorite, Portugal residing writer!
Thanks for the honest article. It's the life of an emigrant - you love what you love about your country of origin and your new country and you hate what you hate. There's nothing wrong with disliking, or even hating, certain things about your new home country. And when those things pop up and show their ugly heads, it's natural to overstate the other petty annoyances and understate the things that you dislike/hate about your country or origin.
I've been in Portugal for nearly 3 years and the newness and the wonderful feeling of discovering new things almost every day has certainly worn off. Things that I once might have chalked up to "charmingly different" or "quaint" have lost their appeal. I hate the sidewalks. There I said it and I stand by it. I hate them. They are death traps. They're uneven, often hole-filled, ice rinks when wet and covered in leaves. I don't understand how older people and people of limited mobility and people with injuries navigate them without horrible consequences. Their "charm" doesn't overcome their danger and the risk of twisted ankles and/or broken bones. They must be expensive, if not cumbersome, to maintain, so I constantly question WHY? Who likes them? I curse them frequently when out walking. And I also fully realize that if sidewalks are the biggest problem in my life, I'm doing pretty well. That realization doesn't erase my hatred of them, though.
I don't glorify or overstate the things I like about the US - convenience, choice, responsiveness. I do miss those things at times (esp the responsiveness!). But that doesn't overcome my utter shock, disdain and disgust at what's happening there and I'm so, so grateful to not have to deal with it on a daily basis. It's much easier to avoid news and talk of it when you're 4,000 miles away. So I'll take the death-trap sidewalks here - continuing to curse them - as a more-than-acceptable trade off.
Happy new year and I hope your creative spurt brings your joy and peace!
As a person who tripped on one of those death trap sidewalks and cracked my front teeth, I'd take the bad sidewalks over the outrageous medical costs, the corporatization of EVERYTHING (everything looks and acts the same), the meanness, the hate, etc. of the US. I've been here 3 years too, granted on an idyllic (altho over-touristed) island, and wouldn't trade it for the "convenience" of the US in a million years. Happy New Year.
Very well said...thank you!
Being of limited mobility I have found the cobbled streets of VRSA to be getting worse - partly because lorries delivering supplies to new buildings are clearly damaging them. The council could do more to force the builders to pay for the damage.
Portugal is starting a beverage container deposit/return system in April. Hopefully next Christmas there will be less cans on your street. If not, you will make some money collecting them and turning them in for the deposit.
Fewer, not less
You’re allowed to be cranky.
I found it intriguing that it sounds like Denise may not be on the same page. We could hear from her?
As for Chega, personally, I found it heartening that the Portuguese courts ordered those racist billboards down and imposed fines.
I couldn’t help but contrast that with how little accountability exist for similar political messaging in the US and wrote a piece exploring that tension – sharing it here in case it adds to the conversation.
https://open.substack.com/pub/beccawilliams/p/portugal-justice-and-the-long-shadow?r=1ctdxl&utm_medium=ios
Just read and restacked your post...thanks for sharing.
Good morning Nancy,
I enjoy hearing about the little and big annoyances people experience while settling into a new country—it gives me a sense of connection.
And while Portugal has wonderful coffee, I’ll confess that I miss the American diner coffee, where your cup is endlessly refilled. But this is not a dealbreaker.
Go and muck around in your studio today that will cheer you up for sure. I look forward to reading your next post. Happy new year🥳
I suppose most of us go through culture shocks, when the new culture doesn't behave like the one we've come from. Yes, it's upsetting. We're shielded from this if we're not fully immersed, but then the shocks seem greater when they come.
No, it's not a direct culture, and many Portuguese find such directness rude. Public face must be saved, as must hierarchical positions.
I'm now fully immersed in the language and culture, I've been here for over 30 years, married to a Portuguese man who has helped me to understand what it means to be Portuguese. Overall , I value my expanded vision. Yet I still have occasional moments when I get annoyed at some aspects.
Nancy, thank you so much for this - it’s good to read of that other side that comes from being an immigrant. I find myself doing the same - missing places we have lived, and listing what frustrates me. We carry within us our memories and experiences. But slowly we are absorbing the places we are now, and the people we are becoming.
I go back 4-5 times a year for work, and it’s helpful for keeping those longings and wonderings sated. I am never so happy to be lining up in immigration as I am after those trips.
Bon courage Nancy, and thank you again for naming what we all feel.
I loved this post. Being here just over 3 years, I share some of your feelings. But it is definitely home now. Thank you for sharing.
No one can answer that for you. Porto is a city … do you want to live in a city? Porto is further north and like Seattle has more rain than other parts of PT…do you mind rain? What is your housing budget?
I am always willing to talk with a readers. Email me (ncwhiteman@gmail.com) to arrange a WhatsApp call.
Boas Festas, Nancy. Thank you for writing about your frustrations living in Portugal. Compared to the US, the frustrations are minor, in my opinion. Happy to be living in Portugal, along with my wife. We have no intention of moving back to the US. Enjoy your time in your studio. Art is healing.
Great story Nancy! Frustrations are a welcome part of life… they prove that we are still alive, engaged and thinking! Not only that, you can move and do things about the beer cans!!
Here’s wishing you a healthy,happy new year filled with love,laughter, adventures, art and more posts!!
Hi Nancy, Thank you so much for this post!!! We arrived yesterday after almost 3 weeks in metro NYC visiting our daughter's family in NJ. They live in a lovely "bubble" on the trainline from NYC in central NJ with beautiful neighbors - mostly immigrants - who treat us as if we haven't been gone for months. It was so cold there - we arrived home yesterday and, as I write this on the morning after a recovery sleep, I'm' on the veranda in the sun overlooking a calm ocean and so grateful that this is where we are. What we learned while in the US was that the ONLY thing we miss from the US is our family and our friends - who all come visit us here on the island. Yes, there are some frustrations here - and Chega and that far right cult are definitely problems, BUT, that is a problem everywhere (Thanks in large part due to a concerted effort that originated in the US). What gives me hope is that my acquaintances and friends who are here - many of whom are quite young - reject the far right trend and are disgusted by what's going on in the US. They make a tiny fraction of what they could make in the US for the same work, but they are happy here. Family and quality of life are more important than salary. (Although they all wish they could make more here).
We are so grateful that we landed here too and also grateful that, in our early exploration trips, we found your Substack, which inspired us to actually do it. So thanks! And feliz ano novo!!!
Nancy. I understand your feelings about life this year. Just had the same discussion with a dear friend. She pointed out that the constant emotional pummeling we receive daily due to the Trump Presidency has left us exhausted.
I usually embrace the holiday season, but this year I have been sad and depressed. Part of this is because of family members who have passed away at this time of year, and part of it may be leftover from the pandemic, but I think the largest part is the fear of what else may be coming from the administration in Washington. Believe me, you are not alone. Happy New Year, in spite of all this! Rosemary Sullivan
I totally appreciate this post! I feel similarly from time to time and now is one of those times. What you are experiencing sounds like "saudade" which makes you more Portuguese than you may think. I am working on a similar post while waiting for residency renewal, dealing with my husband's residency rejection and the uncertainty that goes with that. Now the universe is dangling a possible opportunity back in the US that could lure us back and suddenly, places like Palm Springs, San Diego and NYC seem more romantic than ever...but in reality, there are big problems there as there are here...there is no avoiding the wave of bigotry, racism and hatred that is infecting the world right now and maybe what we're feeling is the disappointment that we couldn't sidestep this wave by coming here. The only way to the other side is through and that's never easy. Fica forte!
Okay, I'm confused...why was he rejected? Don't mean to pry, but never met anyone who was rejected. Difficult/not difficult choice...if Denise were in the US, I would be on the first plane back.
Totally ok...not prying at all. The reason was he did not provide a notarized copy of our apartment lease. Having this was news to us. They also listed that he needs a NISS number...which social security will not give you if your residency is expired...regardless of how many times they continue to extend expiration. For NISS the expiration date on the card is the only one they seem to recognize. Our feeling is that Portugal is trying to "thin the herd" by creating difficulty to renew. In hopes that maybe a few of us will get frustrated easily and decide to leave. Several of our friends have all received rejection emails for one bogus, trivial reason or another so we are certainly not alone. The general attitude is, this is Portugal, it'll all work itself out eventually...and if not, attorneys are more affordable here lol!
My lawyer says a big part of the problem is that AIMA has hired lots of new people and not trained them well, so they are denying renewals because it's easier. That "NISS Glitch" has also affected some people I know. But apparently a new system is coming in now which may help... ?!
Oy! Yes, I have heard from others that the goal posts are moving. 3 years ago, we did the renewal on our own. This year, we will seek assistance from Relocate to Portugal which assisted us with the original move.
That's exactly how I describe it...moving the goal post. Love Relocate to Portugal! Gail and her team are the best.
That could be it too…I mean the visit to AIMA at the Hindu center feels like a college tour. Everyone working there is younger.
Don’t come back.
Interesting to hear other people’s take on Portugal. I have been coming here for 32 years and have lived here permanently for close to 10. I admit that there are things that really annoy me - the rubbish issue - the way animals are treated - the hunters - the way people get away with flaunting building regulations and the almost lack of customer service BUT. I have lived in many countries and so far have not found one that is perfect. They all have ‘issues’ . You just have to get used to things I suppose but the main thing is not to let them spoil your enjoyment of living here.
There are many beautiful things about Portugal and the people. I concentrate on that.
Boas entradas
In my former career with EPA, I had interactions with the Mexican environmental agency. Whenever my Mexican counterpart would say “maybe”, the Americans at the table would think “Was that a hard no or a really hard no?” So the inability to deliver bad news must be a Latin cultural characteristic. Happy Holidays!
Wayyy to much to unpack here and address individually, but I HAVE to address a couple of things.
1) Thank you for removing the brink of insanity and frustration I've been having regarding the Portuguese culture if not wanting to deliver bad news!! My central vac hose in the kitchen port broke (old) and my neighbor offered to help (he's a maintenence service), so I accepted. He told me two days later "...his guy" had to order the party. After 9 days and hearing nothing, I researched and found a central vac company who came within two days and repaired it. Two and a-half weeks later, my upstairs neighbor showed up with a weird black hose, ready to install it.
2) This right here...
"Their willingness to allow me to continue to struggle with their language, even though I have been here for 5 years (3 1/2 for me). The fact that shop and restaurant owners trust you to pay the bill the next time you pass by if you failed to bring enough cash. The ability of children to play without adult supervision (that right there!). The quality of the fresh produce … the air … the sun’s warmth on my skin, which feels somehow stronger here. here..." ALL OF THAT!
I'm not grammatically correct like you are as a writer, but you get my points. Thank you for a lovely end of the year transparent post! It wasn't a Debbie Downer at all, but instead delightful for ME.
FELIZ ANO NOVO, my favorite, Portugal residing writer!