When considering moving abroad, you may read about the experience from writers like me or watch lots of YouTube videos. Frankly, most of us offer a pretty rosy outlook. However, today I think it's important to offer a warning—specifically, five reasons you may not want to move to Portugal.
#1: Boobs and Butts Bother You
Yes, I said (have written) it. If you are offended by seeing boobs and butts you should not move to coastal towns in Portugal. (This also goes for coastal towns in most of Europe. And please note, while visiting Spain we also witnessed some swangz on Rota’s beach.) Europeans are far less prudist than Americans. And, if you’re like my wife and, can’t understand how any woman can comfortably spend the day with dental floss riding between her butt cheeks beware.
Image: Pixabay
#2: If You Don’t Keep Receipts
I am a purger. If you have been reading along for a while you know I hate clutter. To me a receipt1 contributes to the needless killing of a tree. But the Portuguese are obsessed with receipts … often two, one printed on a full sheet of paper, stapled to the one from the card reading machine. What’s more infuriating is their belief that customers actually keep these.
A friend relayed this story: he went to the pharmacy to pick up an unusually long list of prescriptions. A few were not available that day, so he took most of them and returned the next day for the remaining two. The second day, he entered the pharmacy and saw the same clerk behind the desk. She greeted him warmly. He asked if the other two medications had arrived. She assured him they had and asked for his receipt.
“Oh, I don’t have it with me,” he responded.
“I need it to fill the prescription.”
“But I was here just yesterday. You waited on me. You know what medications I need,” he said, his frustration rising.
“Yes, but I need your receipt.”
#3: If You Will Miss Prescription Ads
We did not watch American TV for the first 3.5 years we lived in Portugal. So when we got access to American TV, the quantity of ads telling me what diseases I might have and what medications I should be taking was like a slap in the face. First, there were all the disease acronyms I didn’t know. Then there were all the aches, pains, and pounds I could easily shed. How have I survived the past 3.5 years without pharmaceuticals?
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I refer to the ever-present máquina de bilhetes (ticket machine), which can be found in the pharmacy, the post office, the clinic reception, IMT, finanças … well just about everywhere. There may be no one else in the place … but after a few months you will dutifully walk to the ubiquitous contraption, make your selection and press the button. After retrieving the slip of paper, you will longingly look at the TV screen (even if you are the only one in the establishment) to determine who is next to be served. You will then either discard the ticket in the trash or find it in your pocket four months later. Perhaps you should have stapled it to the paper and the receipt…
#5: You Don’t Want to Try to Learn the Language
Okay, I will be the first to admit that Denise is a more conscientious language learner than I am. I completed 1.75 years of free Portuguese classes … while Denise completed 2. She also continues to spend a minimum of 20 minutes a day on apps … and her language comprehension far exceeds mine. I really need to do a better job. But, to my credit, I can speak some Portuguese. (Of course, gelato Ana always giggles when I do. You will often hear her say, “I love listening to you speak Portuguese with an American accent.” ) And while I am by no means fluent, continuing to translate each word from one language to the other in my mind, the Portuguese really appreciate the effort. I have found if you begin an encounter with “fala inglês?” you will often be told, “nǎo”. If you make several halting, poorly conjugated, often with misplaced adjectives attempts you will get a much more pleasant response.
After the past few weeks, I wanted to lighten things up. The inspiration for this post came during a recent visit to our beach. After spotting quite a few boobs and butts I asked some friends what items they would add to my “don’t move to Portugal if” list. Sunshine, a wine spritzer, a refreshing dip in the ocean and as the Brits would say, “Bob’s your uncle!” Cheers!
FYI: if you want to return a malfunctioning item under warranty, you will want to keep the box too. Today we are renting a garage…not for our car but for our e-bikes and EMPTY boxes. There is a silver lining … the warrranties are generous and free.
Hi Nancy, Another great post and don’t you love the way the body obsession doesn’t seem to exist here? I sure do! I was so self conscious getting in a swimsuit in the US because I assumed my body was not the right size. Here I see all shapes having a wonderful time and when there are butts and boobs no one pays the slightest attention. It is so refreshing to me. In a similar vein, I see women breastfeeding their babies all the time. Maybe in some more liberal parts of the US, women can do that freely, but in Texas, people will make all sorts of remarks about how disgusting it is. I never got that at all as I think it is a beautiful sign of a mother loving her child. But you know Americans…porn is great, but breastfeeding is ewww.
I have another one to add to your list. I have a 31 year old son who visited and told me he doesn’t like Portugal because they are “too slow.” When I asked him what he meant, he said they don’t bring the check for meals fãst enough. I laughed and told him that is because they think it is rude to throw the food down and immediately put the check down because you may want other food later and they are not concerned with how long you sit and enjoy yourself. He didn’t like it saying he prefers to eat and go. I told him it was good he lived in America!
Hi. As a portuguese, i liked your post. Most of what you describes, is a sign that Portugal is a civilized country
Hi Nancy, Another great post and don’t you love the way the body obsession doesn’t seem to exist here? I sure do! I was so self conscious getting in a swimsuit in the US because I assumed my body was not the right size. Here I see all shapes having a wonderful time and when there are butts and boobs no one pays the slightest attention. It is so refreshing to me. In a similar vein, I see women breastfeeding their babies all the time. Maybe in some more liberal parts of the US, women can do that freely, but in Texas, people will make all sorts of remarks about how disgusting it is. I never got that at all as I think it is a beautiful sign of a mother loving her child. But you know Americans…porn is great, but breastfeeding is ewww.
I have another one to add to your list. I have a 31 year old son who visited and told me he doesn’t like Portugal because they are “too slow.” When I asked him what he meant, he said they don’t bring the check for meals fãst enough. I laughed and told him that is because they think it is rude to throw the food down and immediately put the check down because you may want other food later and they are not concerned with how long you sit and enjoy yourself. He didn’t like it saying he prefers to eat and go. I told him it was good he lived in America!